Phone Sex (by Sheep)

“Hi, Rogan Josh, Pilau rice, 3 popadoms, onion barji and pashwari nan please”
“Erm, I think you’ve got the wrong number”.
“Oh fuck…”

“Chicken Jalfrezi, onion barji pilau… aaahhh fuuuuuck, I got the wrong number again, haven’t I?”
“Hah yeah, sorry”.

“Fucking mobile phone, I’ve done it again, shit, fuck, I’m sorry.”
“It’s OK really, I was only sleeping, It’s not exactly a balanced diet you’re on here is it?”
“Three curries in a row can’t be good for you, why don’t you try pizza once in a while pet?”
“Pizza’s closed.”
“So hi I’m X.”
“I’m James.”
“I love your accent, are you from Ireland?”
“No, Wales”
“Do you like the Manic Street Preachers?”
“Err, yeah, suppose so…”
“What other bands do you like?”
“Well, Guns n Roses, Clash ……………………………………… “

(3 hours later)
“………………………………….Oh and I hate Robbie Williams”
“Well at least we agree on that then”
“God, I’m sorry, I’ve got to get some sleep, I’ve got to be in college by 9am”
“Night, night, sleep tight”

“I tried pizza, it was crap”
“Nice to have you back, I missed you”
“What are you wearing ?”
“Nothing, I’m completely naked”
“Good, lie back on the bed with the phone to your ear, and place your right index finger on your clit. Now start to massage it slowly, moving your finger round in small concentric circles. Now suck your left index finger, place it on your right nipple, and flick it gently until the nipple is erect.”
“Move your left hand down to your pussy and tell me how many fingers you can get in”
“Oh god at least 3"
“Finally, I want you to take the mobile and push it gently inside you as far as it will go”
“But I won’t be able to hear you”
“I’ll be talking to your pussy, use your imagination”

(Some time later)
“God that was better than an curry”

“Hi there”
“Thought you’d given up on curry”
“Well I tried Chinese but it just wasn’t the same”
“I cooked you a meal on Saturday, but you didn’t call, it’s in the freezer, if you want I can reheat it and bring it round”
“Erm, it’s kinda like not easy”
“Your loss”
“XX, XXXX, St Johns Wood”
“Wow posh address, I’ll be round in 20 minutes”

(20 minutes later)
“What’ve you cooked then?”